Standing In The Shadow Of You (Personal Poem Written March 5th 2015)

by Han M Greenbarg

This is an upwelling
Like a symphonic rise
Dramatic
Climactic
Everywhere I walk
Every reflection
Shows you and me
Your scent lives in my dreams
Visiting at night
Your eyes in the mirror
Fingers grasping mine
I feel as if you are here
Holding out your hand
Not letting me fall
I wake up
Crying in the dark
Memories crippling
A normal moment
Flooded with you
Your laugh
Your smile
Your arms
Hold tight to me
One step forward
Becomes four steps back
When I hear your voice
In my mind
You bring anxiety
You bring hurt
Like I’m dying
Want to vomit up all this pain
Can’t get rid of the feelings
You left me
Burning
Trembling
Moods up and down
Envy
Rage
I can’t stop seeing red
My heart is beating in pieces
You ripped me up inside
Scattering all parts of me
In a firestorm of pain
Over my shoulder
I see you smirking
You got what you wanted
Kept your secrets
While unlocking all of mine
I will not deny the pain you brought
It hurts so much
I feel like crying
Anytime of day
I will not cover or ignore it
I will face it
As long as it stays
I can fight through anything you give me
The worst emotional hurt
That I’ve ever felt
That I am enduring
From you

I wrote this poem a couple months after someone broke my heart. This was no mere heartache for me and I held onto the emotions for a long time. I have mostly moved on since then. We all experience heartache and I hope my poem shows others that you are not alone and it is normal to feel angry, hurt, shaken, lost, and just about every negative emotion during that time in your life. But we all can rise above the pain. It is still a process for me. A personal poem and message for those who come across it. You are not alone. Never let them win.