I Thought

I thought I would be married

I thought I’d have the one

I thought I’d be on the road

Traveling with my love

I thought I would be wealthy

I thought I’d have a ranch

I thought I’d be cuddling

My man on the beach

I thought I would have courage

I thought I’d be a rockstar

I thought I’d be published

A million books and one

I thought and thought

And thought and thought

About all I could have been

About what I wanted

About the very end

The door closed on me

On all my hopes and dreams

The road vanished before me

A path no longer lit

I never thought I’d be here

Of all days and hour

With everything I clawed for

Completely disappeared

I never thought I’d feel hope

For better things to come

I never thought I’d fall again

For another love

If it is meant to be

And all the stars align

Then this door is open

For me to make it mine

 

 

Something About You

For David

It’s the way you talk to me

The way you walk to me

The way you look at me

Something about that face

About those eyes

Something about you

Keeps me spinning

It’s the way you laugh with me

The way you hug

The way you hold onto me

Something about that face

About those eyes

Something about you

Keeps me falling

It’s the way we sit close

The way we view the world

The way you accept me as I am

Something about that face

About those eyes

Something about you

Makes me believe

In hope

For brighter things

Something about you

Makes me want to take on

The world

Face our fears together

Prove the monsters wrong

Something about you

Gives me a push

To be strong

Goodbye (A Very Personal Poem)

Final moment

With the one

I wanted to know

More of

Who I loved

Yet you

Didn’t Love

Me

One last chapter

To close

A book

Goodbye

To a special

Friend

To a unique

Soul

With the build

Of a gladiator

And a

Poet’s heart

You taught me

Boldness

And courage

And blatant

Honesty

I fear less

Because of you

I hope more

Because of you

You may never

Know how

You touched my

Life

And my mind

If I have to

Let you go

Then I shall

Say goodbye

My special

Friend

I hope you

Find what

You Are Looking For

I wonder

What we could

Have been

Together

But it is

What it is

This ends

This closes

Goodbye

Makin’ Me Feel Like A New Country Song

Thru that door you walk

Eyes focused on me

Draining me of logic

Melting my heart

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

Every time you smile

Every time we laugh

Riding in your

Pretty car

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

On back roads with the radio

Blaring and bass

Rumbling

You got me goin butterflies

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

Dancing next to you

Your eyes

Asking permission

For my hand in yours

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

Romance growing

Sun shinin’ high

Anxious to be close

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

Boy you got me

Dancin’ to all types

Of beats

And singin’ along

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

You know the way you look

Into my eyes

The way your smile

Makes me crave

Makin Me Feel Like

A New Country Song

Today

 

 

 

Real Love?

The word love is one of many meanings

Many interpretations

And many fantasies

We all want someone to love

We all want to be loved

How is it then

That in our journeys

Of finding true love

That we are often lost, scarred, and ravaged

By the outside world?

There is competition

Because everyone wants what we want

Everyone wants to feel what we want to feel

We fight to keep what we have

Even when the other is done with us

We want to believe we are in the right

That we are of sound mind

When sometimes it is not us that

Gets to pick our soul mates

But it is a higher power

That unites us to the one

We can fall

We can shatter

And our hearts put back together

We can lose love

And find a new one

Even if there is a first love that got away

It doesn’t mean we cannot love again

There are billions of people

In this world

All seek something evasive

All seek unconditional love

From someone human

From someone who will hold them

And cry with them

And laugh with them

And kiss them

Who will call them their baby

Who will call them beautiful,

Handsome,

Special

Who will last forever

Isn’t it strange that the one thing

We all chase after

Eventually comes

Whether we know it or not

Sometimes when we choose to give up the chase

That’s when true love

Finds us

And surprises us

And overwhelms us

With the most beautiful

Euphoria

That if we work hard

Can last a century

 

 

 

 

You Don’t Know Me

There stands my admirer

My biggest fan

Yet you don’t know me

Have no idea who I am

You think you get my mind

You think you see my heart

Yet you don’t know me

Have no idea who I am

You call me by a pet name

You whisper in my ear

Yet you don’t know me

Have no idea who I am

You kiss my mouth with passion

Gaze into my eyes

Hold my hand tightly

Follow my stride

Yet you don’t know me

Have no idea who I am

Will you ever

Would you ever

Truly understand

You don’t know me

Do you know who I am?

Delusions

Right in front of me

You stand

You wait

You smile

The shadows don’t stop

Chasing

Circling

Devouring

Am I alive…

Am I clear…

Is this a dream…

You watch me

Every motion

Every room

The seconds pass

For you

For me

What is

Sanity

What is

Security

Delusions

Of Grandeur

Delusions

Of Pleasure

You…

Witch and a Virgin—A Poem For The Brazen

Ne’re to quelch the thirst
To nest in a man’s arms
Damn the bloody witch
Who stole the lover’s sword

Pleasure writhing
Pleading to be worn
Chained to a single life
Betrothal stolen away

Virgin with a candle
Wandering in her grave
Forever cursed to celibacy
Lost her love enslaved

Bloody witch paces above
Kicking dirt on the tomb
Shutting up the wailing virgin
Putting on her white gown

The wedding dress taken
Out of the virgin’s room
Her love waits at the altar
Eager for his witch

The year was all a ploy
To make her dance for him
Riding every night
Coddled up in bed

The witch came swinging iron
The virgin took up a kitchen blade
They fought for their lover
Bleeding the other

Ne’re catching a vein
Until the virgin knelt down
Buried alive forever
Hearing the wedding bells

The witch approached the altar
The virgin pushed through the grave
Hellfire rain and black blood stream
The final war commence

How You Wish I Was

How you wish I was in the room
Staring in your eyes
Lost in your whims
Part of your fantasies

How you wish I was yours
To hoard and spoil
To be your maid
Follow you everywhere

How you wish I was different
That I had not left
How you wish I had turned back
And given into your desires

How you wish I was helpless
And vulnerable
That I would not fight
Or stand up for my worth

How you wish I came back
Crying in your arms
How you wish I fell apart
For you to put right again

Well…

How I wish you knew how strong I am
That I will never go back
That I am not your slave
That I have dignity

How I wish you knew how many times I fell
That I caught myself
That God saved me from the worst mistakes
That I stand taller than I ever have

I am stubborn
I am unshakeable
I am resilient to pain
I am a comeback song
I am a fighter
I stand for justice, honesty, dignity, hope, and unconditional love
I am independent
I am not a pushover
I am not going to change for anyone

This is who I am.
I am here.
I am fighting.
Hear my words.

I AM STRONG

What I Hope Of You

What I hope
May be an impossible dream
What I hope of you
May be beyond reach

I hope you stay
Longer than the last

I hope you speak
With an honest heart

I hope you hold me

I hope you hug me

I hope you kiss me

With the entirety of you

That your intentions

Are more than true

That you mean what you say

That you mean what you think

That I am more than eye candy

That I am more than your dream

That you believe in love

And every gesture you give

That you love me for my mind

And all that I am

That I am worth any struggle

And more than my body

And more than my kindness

That you see that I am strong

And not to be forsaken

That I am human

That I am empathetic

And loving

And accepting

That you see my strengths

And not think they are weak

I hope that you show me

That love is not lost

That I am your beloved

And that we are one